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[06 Dec 2005|09:40am] |
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It's dangerous business walking out your front door |
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November 30, 2005 i was 20 years old.
I am tired and i all of my many accomplished goals have.... not even been thought of. I have done nothing i have wasted a good portion of my life on being mean and hurting others ... that is all i have found that i have done. I procratonate my whole world... so my solution... good bye.
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[15 Nov 2005|06:53pm] |
Artist Mogwai .... Album: happy songs for happy people... song "hunted by a freak"...
my favorit song right now... listen share... peace
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[15 Nov 2005|06:27pm] |
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............................I AM NOT sure what is happening with my living situation.. but up side i have kittens do you want one? well comment to me and ill show you them... i love them. you will too.
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[26 Oct 2005|08:30pm] |
Rosa Parks died on the 24th ... i am sure you all knew ...
In 1988 Rosa said: "i am leaving this legancy to all of you.. to bring peace, justice, equality,love and a fulfillment of what our lives should be. Without vision, the people will perish, and without courage and isnspiration, dreams will die--the dream of freedom and peace."
I just thought this was a good quote although there are probably many more.
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[26 Oct 2005|08:14pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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Right now i am a little worried, i have a lot that has been happening and i am handling it, but i fear i am going to lose it soon. I Am so sad and angry for many reasons. and i cant type right now. never mind. Ash I love you so much and when you get to a comp, i hope that you read this and know that i am there despite EVERYTHING... I MEAN shit that is how its always been. keep up your positive things ...ie. school, job searcing and home work... make good decisions and that is all.. i love you .
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| We All breath the SAME air... |
[26 Oct 2005|08:13pm] |
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worried |
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I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.
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| Wanting each day to run farther and farther .... |
[17 Oct 2005|01:57pm] |
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swinging my arms around in the rain... lets me escape all i am running from..
today i was eating a burrito alone in the rain at school and i was thinking how i missed you boo.. and i am so sorry im having a hard time with things...
never the less im pathetic i recognize.. please..
so i need help ... i am not digging school and it seems pointless for me to attend considering that i am not even happy with the classes i enjoy... what to do??? any suggestions... i suppose i have to do it for my self and make those damn things called mistakes in order to improve my person... blah.
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[10 Oct 2005|10:06am] |
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music |
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my thoughts |
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Some times you can never tell, i just am so unsure of life. I mean people just leave forever and die.... so unexpected, gahh. (Tracianne, you know where to keep your head. I am so sorry, i love you, take care of your mom she needs your strength.)
I am calm i am anticipating the next adventure that i choose... right now and well always i have been un motivated to attend school yet i continued and i survived, now i am in college and i no matter how much i will my self to appreciate learning of the new subjuct that i like and think wow that is a great class., i dislike going,,, i realize that its selfish of me to think this cause some do get the education they deserve but i almost feel like i am cheating my self. Never the less... my life is so jumbled and full of inconsistent events, i am going to be moving out, because we are losing the house, my mom and i are distant and i cant seem to bring my self to try and fix it, i am struggling with my friendships ... they are difficult to manage do to my un organized way and fluttered thoughts of growing up... although when i can afford to or even just sneak that two or four hour escape i am grateful of these people.
When i was 10 my cousin and i (best friends) would try and imagin our selves at 16yrs, 19yrs, 25yrs, and its insane because i didnt say that i would be here, i feel stuck and smothered, like i cant find what i want to be, to do ... i am losing the fight to try and stay in Cali, i am almost, even thought i am freaking scared i want to just move, somewhere new... maybe running away for those of you who are narrow minded but i think of it more like a new beginning (nieave) maybe but these are my mistakes and hey i havent made them yet,.. hahah i am scared of everything.
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[27 Sep 2005|08:00pm] |
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[27 Sep 2005|07:46pm] |
and i thought ... well hmm 500 that is not bad ill do it ill move in and a slap in the face and left in the dust.
aww man bummer deal
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| hmm free time much... |
[23 Sep 2005|08:10am] |
x your confessions
[x] I am bisexual
[ ] I am homosexual
[x] I've run away from home
[ ] I listen to political music.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I'm sad
[x] Open up to others easily
[ ] Keeping a secret from the world
[x] I watch the news
[X] I own over 5 rap CDs
[ ] I own an ipod
[x] I own something from Hot Topic
[X] I love Disney movies.
[x] I am a sucker for eyes
[x] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love Spam (as the food)
[X] I bake well
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie
[X] I have a job
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[ ] I am in love with someone.
[x] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS
[x] I am self conscious.
[x] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I have many scars
[x] I've been out of this country
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a visible spider in the room
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love chocolate
[ ] I bite my nails
[x] I am comfortable with being me.
[ ] I play computer games/video games when I'm bored
[x] Gotten lost in the city
[x] Saw a shooting star.
[x] I had a serious Surgery.
[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[x] I have kissed a stranger.
[x] Hugged a stranger.
[X] Been in a fist fight with the same sex.
[x] Been arrested.
[x] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose.
[X] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[X] Swore at your parents.
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[x] Broken a bone.
[X] Played spin the bottle.
[x] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] Eaten 5 saltines in a minute.
[x] Bitten someone.
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[x] Gotten the chicken pox.
[x] Crashed into a car
[ ] Been to Japan
[x] Ridden in a taxi.
[x] Been fired.
[x] had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[X] Stole something from your job.
[X] Gone on a blind date
[x] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] Been to Europe.
[ ] Slept with a co-worker.
[ ] Been married.
[ ] Gotten divorced.
[x] Saw someone dying.
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[ ] Been to Canada.
[x] Been on a plane.
[X] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[x] Eaten Sushi.
[x] Been snowboarding.
[x] Been skiing.
[x] Been ice skating.
[ ] Met someone in person from the internet.
[x] Been to a motocross show.
[x] Going to or have gone to college.
[ ] Done hard drugs
[x] Taken painkillers.
[ ]Cheated on someone
pass this on with your own confessions
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| have you ..... |
[22 Sep 2005|05:27pm] |
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mood |
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bush |
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have you ever .....?
wanted to just tell someone that you love them so much that you could go crazy?
take a train ride and leap from one car to another?
hold another's hand and dance with them in a random place?
scream so loud that it was considered crazy?
stand up and confess your most hidden secrete?
run away to a place you dreamed of going only for a day?
take all of the sick and poor and give them a chance to get what they needed to feel better?
Oh silly me... naive? huh na just hopeful. So i have had the day of my life! wonderful days ahead.
I hope to wake up in the mornings and forget about what i dont have and concentrate on what i do.... will see.
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[20 Sep 2005|09:41am] |
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Trying hard to speak and
Fighting with my weak hand
Driven to distraction
So part of the plan
When something is broken
And you try to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way you can
I'm diving off the deep end
You become my best friend
I wanna love you
But I don't know if I can
I know something is broken
And I'm trying to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way I can
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh...
You and me are floating on a tidal wave...
Together
You and me are drifting into outer space...
And singing
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh...
You and me are floating on a tidal wave...
Together
You and me are drifting into outer space
You and me are floating on a tidal wave...
Together
You and me are drifting into outer space...
And singing
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh...
i really like this song.
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[12 Sep 2005|12:14pm] |
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man it seems like everyday i feel more and more taken over, im losing . and tired... I WILL fight till death ... and come out strong ... life ... and mother... there hard to handle.
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| HELP! |
[07 Sep 2005|11:58am] |
I havent updated in a few... the current events that take most importance in my life or mind...
Katrina! i have been totally mortified to here peoples negative comments there unrash thinkings that ... well its not important .. I YELL! PLEASE HELP WHAT YOU CAN... i for what ever reason am addicted to this horrific tradgedy and i just want to inform EVERYONE that it doesnt hurt to spread the word ... the poor people whether they had warning, or bush lagged on getting help soon enough... THere whole world, babies, elderly, dads, moms, ANIMALS ... were left with nothing ..... DEMOLISHED ! THERE IS NO REASON TO HAVE A NEGATIVE OUTLOOK! THEY NEED HELP AND I HOPE THAT EVERYONE WHO READS THIS DOESE WHAT THEY CAN. There are so many oganizations and places where you can go to donate ... pick a place you feel most comfortable. they need us ... please!
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[15 Aug 2005|12:21am] |
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rAdiohead |
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so much to think about...
school is so soon and i am totally ready, i think ...haha
brynn and i are house sitting and its so nice... the people travle all over, they are set and comfortable... i want to be that more than anything. oops i out its late and i am sleep deprived from all the parties... hahah okAY!
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[04 Aug 2005|12:51am] |
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Oh man i worked at this drive through Starbucks and let me say that this one was freaking soooooo busy... ahh i felt that my feet were continuous while i just went along, kind of like the flin stones.. anyway that is all.
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| totally ready to spleeeep |
[01 Aug 2005|05:29am] |
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exhausted |
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oh so much to do so little time i guess i should sleep since i have been up for 20 hours or something it being 529am my contacts have begun to suck my eyes in the back of my brain... eww ...yea cartoons have kept me awake ... i miss my friend who is in Missouri,... Misery i dont know how to write it i never said i could spell gosh (hehe). ok enough bad humor i am going to sleep.
see you soon booish
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| dance omar |
[31 Jul 2005|01:00am] |
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mood |
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okay |
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lalal Omar.... sit, (BARK) Omar how much do you love me...? (bark) aww and a cookie for you....
i love this dog. and this house that i get to live in for hmmm 9 more days hahah yey
dark water.... pshhhshshsh
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| rock paper ....what! |
[29 Jul 2005|10:36am] |
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sick but content |
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Mae surround sound oh yea |
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I UNDERSTAND THAT SCISSORS CAN BEAT PAPER AND I GET HOW ROCK CAN BEAT SCISSORS. BUT THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY PAPER CAN BEAT ROCK.
PAPER IS SUPPOSED TO MAGICALLY WRAP AROUND ROCK LEAVING IT IMMOBILE? WHY THE HELL CAN'T PAPER DO THIS TO SCISSORS? SCREW SCISSORS, WHY CAN'T PAPER DO THIS TO PEOPLE? WHY AREN'T SHEETS OF COLLEGE-RULED NOTBOOK PAPER CONSTANTLY SUFFOCATING STUDENTS AS THEY ATTEMPT TO TAKE NOTES IN CLASS?
I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
BECAUSE PAPER CAN'T BEAT ANYBODY, A ROCK WOULD TEAR THAT SHIT UP IN TWO SECONDS.
WHEN I PLAY ROCK/PAPER/SCISSORS I ALWAYS CHOOSE ROCK. THEN, WHEN SOMEBODY CLAIMS TO HAVE BEATEN ME WITH THEIR PAPER I CAN PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE WITH MY ALREADY CLENCHED FIST AND SAY
"OH SHIT I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT PAPER WOULD PROTECT YOU, ASSHOLE."
SO WHO WANTS TO PLAY?
i love receving funnies.....
oh man i cant stop throwing up .... i hate this sickness damn you sickness that is what i say ... but on up side Brynn and i are house sitting for this awesome huge pad and oh man i feel like a sick princess.... and my two girls are taking care of me... hahah i get a popcial.
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